I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
