Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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