he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize