Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
