I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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