The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
