You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Drunk is a universal language darling
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