She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
