I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize