Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
