Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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