Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
