You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
