Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
