Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
