I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
