Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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