My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
