Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Green mimosas i think yes
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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