omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
