I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
