i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
