I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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