What a fucking waste of an outfit
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
