Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
