...so i touched it.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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