I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
