Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
