If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
