i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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