No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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