hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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