Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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