I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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