I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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