So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
