She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
