she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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