Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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