it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
