So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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