Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
