she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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