Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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