i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
