I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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