Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
