She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
