The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize