I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I wish there were birth control emojis
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
