I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
