porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
