dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
