he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize