Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
