I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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