that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
