dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
