Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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