She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
