Just invented taco cereal.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
So squirting runs in the family.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I don't deserve a penis
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
