True but thats because hes a fetus.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
