If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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