I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
