After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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