Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
