for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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