those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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