Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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