It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
