She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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