i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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