Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
