wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I think people are normalizing furries
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
