I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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