I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
