I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The power of my boobs compel you
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
