So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
