Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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