Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
