Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
