Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize