hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
