Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
