Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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